you're the only thing that makes sense.
my heart still jumps,
at the sound of your name.

you dont always get what you want.

just one more chance.
to make my point.

i still want my explanation.

'so how's it going between you and him?'
'what do you think?'
'i dont know, you tell me.'
'-_-;;'
uh. dont ask obvious questions.
i dont tend to answer them.


give it to me!
oh bugger.



i cant wait for 220806.

'i cannot pretend.'

give me a needle and thread.
i'll sew back my heart.

give it another day.
year month or week.

i just hope its not on repeat.
its approaching two years.
i just hope this isnt playback.

give me another poem.
another one, soon.
we'll write on in the sun.
where's my favourite writer?
your editor's getting bored.

thanks for your care.
its been a relief,
for a cough that doesnt seem to recover.

not another repeat.

do i really let others control my happiness? i dont know. it seems like a fact to me now. am i really all that clingy? im happy when others are down. and when everything seems to be going great for others, im upset. maybe i think too much of myself, but it seems everytime im happy for prolonged periods, more people come to me with their sob stories. then i feel bad for being all happy. not that i mind, or that i want others to be sad while im happy. its just that, for once, cant we all be happy?
not to say that im depressed and suicidal. its all rather stupid, actually. but live life each day as it comes. if you're gonna die, then you're gonna die. not like you have much choice. yea, it may be sad and all cause you havnt lived your full life and explored everything you want. but i repeat again. not like you have much choice. so why fear death. i know my parents do. they dont want to die. they think dying is bad. you can tell by their defensive attitude. adults, and yet, still kids.
im really glad that hardly no one reads this blog. can tell by the way the counter hardly jumps. the only constant reader i know is michael. dont really care about the others. im an open book. everyone knows that. good or bad, i dont really know. im way past caring. it feels better to have all these stuff out in the open. but what they say, letting your guard down and showing your insecurities is just another give away point for your enemys to attack.
im not bulletproof. none of us are. your mask may be bulletproof. but you know them protective vests, the impact still hurts you. but you'll get up again. this whole thing is affecting me worse than i want to, and i just refuse to let myself recover. who am i deluding? no one but myself. its taking over, and like a sickness you dont want to recover from, its getting worse. another name would be escapism.
really need to start studying for promos. there's no drive, no motivation. no reason for me to promote. you tell me, to go on to the next year, take your a levels. but, im going, so what? i cant imagine myself doing a's. and what would come after that? i dont know. can i just pull out my hair? its fustrating. i dont even want to study at all. totally dont care attitude.
im diverging. the reason why i set up this blog last year was so i could have a safe place to store my random thoughts. like when i thought of cool words or interesting words hidden somewhere in my vocabulary, i would be able to jot them down. turns out, this has become a blog for my emotions. with love struck and depressive poems/wannabe poems. it reeks of desperation. and you can smell it miles away.

im out of here. drop me a note, so i know someone cares.

its clear that you dont care.
dont care at all.

excuse me while i wipe my runny nose.
and brush away the tears.

all the signs are there.
its just, why?

dont leave me behind.
like your forgottten toy.

that hug made me smile the whole day.
how many more can i expect?
one, two, no more?
it only comes in the middle of the night.

will it be another month or two before i see you again?
please dont forget me.


the only reason i go is to see you.
at least this time was not in vain.

crossing my fingers.

another thread of paperthin hope.
HOPE.



happy national day, anyway.

want to take a peek?
into my demented mind?


AH FUCK IT.
FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND.


im driving myself crazy.


- repeat this mantra:
he does not care. give up.

its called,
respecting what he wants.

so like what they say:
action reaction.

i'll keep my distance,
if thats what it'll take to make you happy.



itsgoingtokillme.
- Hopeless love, why did you carve your home in me?
This broken heart is too weak to hold your weight.
But I'm still hoping that I'll be with you somehow, somehow.
I'd go so far to please you but I bet you wouldn't care at all, oh at all.
I'll die if I don't get a chance to make this just right.
I'm sorry but I can't forget about the way I feel,
Every time you're here.
Your words are cold, and the season is too,
The comfort in your voice is gone.
Your bitter goodbye is ringing through this quiet night,
This idle hour just wont pass.
I've never missed you this much, never thought I would,
Didn't think you'd feel so far away.
I'm thinking of your vague reply,
So I can understand,
Tell me how this is fair
Yeah I hold my breath and wait for you..
I'd stay awake and fret just for you
You said hold on everything will be okay
I've been confused, why can't we just run away?
Oh, how could I survive without your love,
and the hope you bring?


is this too much?

-DLD lyric compliation.

-sandra+